In the first of a regular melbournefc.com.au player column, defender Col Garland puts his unique spin on the World Cup and offers an insight into some of the so-called Melbourne experts on the world game.
CURRENTLY we are in the midst of an illness, which occurs once every four years.
This illness is called World Cup fever or in short WCF.
This illness is similar, but not to be confused with, the annual Australian Open Syndrome, which seems to strike late January-early February.
Symptoms for this illness include people claiming to be an expert in everything tennis: from drop shots to down the line winners.
Cameron Bruce has unfortunately developed this syndrome for years now. On top of this, he claims to be one of the greatest untapped table tennis talents in the world, which makes him even more unbearable.
Also a similar affliction is NBA playoff syndrome, which occurs each year in June. In many cases, people who have not watched an NBA game all year somehow become experts over night. For example, another symptom, which has developed this year, is pretending to know exactly what club Lebron James will end up at the end of the transfer window.
A contributing factor in why so many Melbourne players are currently battling WCF may have been a result of the World Cup sweep run by Lynden Dunn (current sufferer of WCF, especially when it comes to the Ghanaian team and its penalty taker Asamoah Gyan).
Clint Bartram is an interesting case. Clint, who received Germany in the sweep, still did not have a huge interest in the event. Once though, the Germans had dispatched our Aussies 4-0 in Durban, Clint suddenly came alive and wouldn’t look out of place in a German bar hall in Berlin.
And what about young Jack Fitzpatrick! He got Portugal and was absolutely rapt. Then he would brag to anyone stuck listening to him, about how Portugal was an unbelievable chance to go all the way.
But when asked to name some Portuguese players, young Jack responded with …. Ronaldo!
So he really showed the extent of his knowledge on the Portuguese team!
Big James ‘Chip’ Frawley received Honduras. By the time it took James to find out where the country was located, the team had already been knocked out.
I drew North Korea, which ended up having a lazy 12 goals put into the back of its net, while managing just one of its own. My boys, I believe, are now currently working in a coal mine somewhere in Pyongyang.
Some symptoms for WCF are:
CURRENTLY we are in the midst of an illness, which occurs once every four years.
This illness is called World Cup fever or in short WCF.
This illness is similar, but not to be confused with, the annual Australian Open Syndrome, which seems to strike late January-early February.
Symptoms for this illness include people claiming to be an expert in everything tennis: from drop shots to down the line winners.
Cameron Bruce has unfortunately developed this syndrome for years now. On top of this, he claims to be one of the greatest untapped table tennis talents in the world, which makes him even more unbearable.
Also a similar affliction is NBA playoff syndrome, which occurs each year in June. In many cases, people who have not watched an NBA game all year somehow become experts over night. For example, another symptom, which has developed this year, is pretending to know exactly what club Lebron James will end up at the end of the transfer window.
A contributing factor in why so many Melbourne players are currently battling WCF may have been a result of the World Cup sweep run by Lynden Dunn (current sufferer of WCF, especially when it comes to the Ghanaian team and its penalty taker Asamoah Gyan).
Clint Bartram is an interesting case. Clint, who received Germany in the sweep, still did not have a huge interest in the event. Once though, the Germans had dispatched our Aussies 4-0 in Durban, Clint suddenly came alive and wouldn’t look out of place in a German bar hall in Berlin.
And what about young Jack Fitzpatrick! He got Portugal and was absolutely rapt. Then he would brag to anyone stuck listening to him, about how Portugal was an unbelievable chance to go all the way.
But when asked to name some Portuguese players, young Jack responded with …. Ronaldo!
So he really showed the extent of his knowledge on the Portuguese team!
Big James ‘Chip’ Frawley received Honduras. By the time it took James to find out where the country was located, the team had already been knocked out.
I drew North Korea, which ended up having a lazy 12 goals put into the back of its net, while managing just one of its own. My boys, I believe, are now currently working in a coal mine somewhere in Pyongyang.
Some symptoms for WCF are:
- Pertaining to know the complete history of the World Cup, by namedropping how many times a certain country has won, its greatest players and massive moments - all of which you’ve just heard on the car radio.
- Reeling off a stat on a country you’ve only just heard of (eg. Honduras, Slovenia or Cote D’Ivoire) to as many people as you can and giving them the impression you’ve been following them for years. This is until someone catches you out and realises that it’s from Craig Foster, who said it the previous night on SBS.
- Being an expert on players you have never heard of (prior to the World Cup) and then claiming them to be the best in the world. This symptom is occurring a lot in the Melbourne Football Club change room with young German players Thomas Muller and Mesut Ozil.
WCF won’t take long to recover from normally. After a couple of days, things will return to normal until the next sporting tournament takes over.
Already there are some Tour De France symptoms brewing!
- Reeling off a stat on a country you’ve only just heard of (eg. Honduras, Slovenia or Cote D’Ivoire) to as many people as you can and giving them the impression you’ve been following them for years. This is until someone catches you out and realises that it’s from Craig Foster, who said it the previous night on SBS.
- Being an expert on players you have never heard of (prior to the World Cup) and then claiming them to be the best in the world. This symptom is occurring a lot in the Melbourne Football Club change room with young German players Thomas Muller and Mesut Ozil.
WCF won’t take long to recover from normally. After a couple of days, things will return to normal until the next sporting tournament takes over.
Already there are some Tour De France symptoms brewing!
