AT MELBOURNE there is a big emphasis on setting yourself up for life after football.
This got me thinking, what would some of Melbourne’s current crop of players be doing for an occupation, if they weren’t footballers?
Here is my opinion on what some of the players may have been.
Matthew Warnock - Tax accountant
If there’s one thing Matty loves more then left hand spoils, it’s saving a dollar. If you needed someone to get the maximum back on your return, then Matty would be your man. I always overhear him discussing money matters with Joel Macdonald. Finance is Matty’s life! Recently, he had enough money saved to buy a new Merc. This of course was with the spare change saved in his old car’s glove box.
Matthew Bate - Struggling recording artist/waiter
This got me thinking, what would some of Melbourne’s current crop of players be doing for an occupation, if they weren’t footballers?
Here is my opinion on what some of the players may have been.
Matthew Warnock - Tax accountant
If there’s one thing Matty loves more then left hand spoils, it’s saving a dollar. If you needed someone to get the maximum back on your return, then Matty would be your man. I always overhear him discussing money matters with Joel Macdonald. Finance is Matty’s life! Recently, he had enough money saved to buy a new Merc. This of course was with the spare change saved in his old car’s glove box.
Matthew Bate - Struggling recording artist/waiter
Bater recently recorded his own album titled ‘Take the Bate’. If you haven’t heard of it yet, go down to your local music store and search the two dollar bin. Bater would need a second job to supplement his singing, because I cannot see how he could possibly earn enough to survive.
Colin Sylvia - Manpower Australia
I can’t see many options for Col, but he takes a lot of pride in his body and would fit in well with the rest of the Manpower boys. He would be provided with plenty of hair gel, mirrors, g-strings and dumbbells, for bicep curls. So it sounds like Col would fit in beautifully.
Cale Morton - Lawyer
Morts has the old fashioned ‘gift of the gab’. He would revel in any method to get his client off any charge. Morts has a history in debating at school, and has brought this to the club, prowling the change rooms for an argument. He has an unbelievable strike rate of never been wrong. He could convince you that Elvis is still alive, or that he could win a Brownlow. That’s how good Morts is!
Jack Grimes - Mortician
Not many laughs involved in this profession, which suits Jack to a tea. Having had some one-on-one time with ‘Good Times’, it sometimes feels that you are in a morgue. The only thing stiffer than the bodies would be Jack himself! In doing this job, you would have to be very serious at all times, something Jack thrives on.
Sam Blease - Facebook
As a footballer, I feel so lucky to be doing what I love. This is why I feel Sam would be perfect working at Facebook. Sam updates his status with extreme regularity, before, during and after training. Having spent half his life on Facebook, I’m sure Sam could prove very helpful to Mark Zuckerberg and his team.
Stefan Martin - Physicist and cosmologist
By now we all know Stef got 99.75 on his VCE. If you didn’t, then just ask him and he’s more than happy to tell you about it! While other boys read autobiographies on sports people or lads’ mags, Stef chooses to read books by Stephen Hawking. Stef also likes to brag about the fact he received an academic and a basketball scholarship at Haileybury, but went on to play in the AFL. Do us a favour Stef and stop talking about quantum gravity in the changerooms.
Michael Newton - Cricketer
Before Christmas last year, we had an Allies v Victoria cricket match. Victoria’s trump player was big ‘Juice’ Newton. The way he was talked up by the Vics, it was like they had Sir Garfield Sobers on their team. Coming in number three (where the best batsmen play), Juice got a second ball duck. He followed this up with no wickets from his spell, and his housemate Ricky Petterd hit the winning runs. Juice may have been a cricketer, but I’m not saying he would have been a good one!
Jordan Gysberts - Mime artist
Marcel Marceau was good, but Jordie could be better. He has so far managed to go through his first season and a bit without muttering more than a sentence. Just like Marcel used his hand gestures and facial expressions to communicate, Jordie lets his football do the talking. Apparently he doesn’t have a very good personality anyway, so maybe just keep quiet Jordie. (Please note: Can I just say my nickname was Humphrey early in my career and I’m tossing this stone from a glasshouse).
So there you go! There’s just a quick insight into what some of the guys may have been if they weren’t footballers.
As for yours truly? An award winning online journalist of course!
Colin Sylvia - Manpower Australia
I can’t see many options for Col, but he takes a lot of pride in his body and would fit in well with the rest of the Manpower boys. He would be provided with plenty of hair gel, mirrors, g-strings and dumbbells, for bicep curls. So it sounds like Col would fit in beautifully.
Cale Morton - Lawyer
Morts has the old fashioned ‘gift of the gab’. He would revel in any method to get his client off any charge. Morts has a history in debating at school, and has brought this to the club, prowling the change rooms for an argument. He has an unbelievable strike rate of never been wrong. He could convince you that Elvis is still alive, or that he could win a Brownlow. That’s how good Morts is!
Jack Grimes - Mortician
Not many laughs involved in this profession, which suits Jack to a tea. Having had some one-on-one time with ‘Good Times’, it sometimes feels that you are in a morgue. The only thing stiffer than the bodies would be Jack himself! In doing this job, you would have to be very serious at all times, something Jack thrives on.
Sam Blease - Facebook
As a footballer, I feel so lucky to be doing what I love. This is why I feel Sam would be perfect working at Facebook. Sam updates his status with extreme regularity, before, during and after training. Having spent half his life on Facebook, I’m sure Sam could prove very helpful to Mark Zuckerberg and his team.
Stefan Martin - Physicist and cosmologist
By now we all know Stef got 99.75 on his VCE. If you didn’t, then just ask him and he’s more than happy to tell you about it! While other boys read autobiographies on sports people or lads’ mags, Stef chooses to read books by Stephen Hawking. Stef also likes to brag about the fact he received an academic and a basketball scholarship at Haileybury, but went on to play in the AFL. Do us a favour Stef and stop talking about quantum gravity in the changerooms.
Michael Newton - Cricketer
Before Christmas last year, we had an Allies v Victoria cricket match. Victoria’s trump player was big ‘Juice’ Newton. The way he was talked up by the Vics, it was like they had Sir Garfield Sobers on their team. Coming in number three (where the best batsmen play), Juice got a second ball duck. He followed this up with no wickets from his spell, and his housemate Ricky Petterd hit the winning runs. Juice may have been a cricketer, but I’m not saying he would have been a good one!
Jordan Gysberts - Mime artist
Marcel Marceau was good, but Jordie could be better. He has so far managed to go through his first season and a bit without muttering more than a sentence. Just like Marcel used his hand gestures and facial expressions to communicate, Jordie lets his football do the talking. Apparently he doesn’t have a very good personality anyway, so maybe just keep quiet Jordie. (Please note: Can I just say my nickname was Humphrey early in my career and I’m tossing this stone from a glasshouse).
So there you go! There’s just a quick insight into what some of the guys may have been if they weren’t footballers.
As for yours truly? An award winning online journalist of course!
