PRE-SEASON, the dirty word, for all AFL players is finally over.

It’s a tough slog, but a great chance to work on deficiencies and build on your strengths.

We shouldn’t forget what players accomplish through this period, so I’ve decided to hand out some ‘Pre-Season awards’.

Best summer tan - Stefan Martin

Like a bat out of hell, big Stef has come from nowhere to rocket past the likes of Brent Moloney, Colin Sylvia and Mark Jamar to take out the title. Rumours that his tan may not be all natural are, at the moment, unconfirmed.

Best new tattoo - Ricky Petterd

The only thing more metrosexual then a pink shirt is a tattoo. And at Melbourne, a few of the boys are quite partial to getting some ink done. The likes of Lynden Dunn, Jeremy Howe have new ink, but Ricky Petterd has a whole beach on his back. This is very impressive, as my pain barrier wouldn’t allow me to take a whole word!

Man of steel award - Jamie Bennell

Some guys are walking hospital wards, others are like Superman. But in my opinion, kryptonite couldn’t even stop Jamie Bennell from training. Now in his third year, I can’t remember him ever missing a session. He has been tested this year from the likes of Adam Maric and Jared Rivers, but Jamie is just a cut above.

Arnold Schwarzenegger award - Jake Spencer

This was a tough one; lots of the boys have improved in the gym this year. Jack Watts and Stefan Martin both love body sculpting; I do weights in the group after Wattsy and generally see him doing his extra arm work in preparation for a day at the beach or a Herald Sun shoot. Jake Spencer has them both covered though. He has had to be physically removed by our weights coach at times because he just never leaves.

Does he ever leave award? - Jordie McKenzie

I firmly believe Jordie lives at the club. He is there when I get to the club each morning and is still then when I leave. I have gone in on weekends to pick something up and he is there having an ice bath or getting physio done. Housing occupancy rates must be 100 per cent because Jordie is more likely to be sleeping in the players’ lounge.

Mr serious award - Jack Grimes

Now after my last column the reception I have been getting from Jack has been icy to say the least. The one positive from the last article is that his nickname of ‘Good Times Grimes’ has really caught on and he is ecstatic about it. This award was a one-horse race, but Jack Trengove has really started to knuckle down in the serious department.

Flab to fab award - Josh Mahoney

It was good to see that everyone returned in really good condition from our break this year. Therefore, as a playing group no one fitted the criteria for this award. One man though who this award does apply to is forwards coach Josh ‘Show Me The’ Mahoney. A trip to the Tiwi Islands eating turtle a few years ago and the trip to China last October finally caught up with Mahns. But he has proved to be an inspiration this pre-season doing most of the running sessions with us and shedding some serious weight.

Is that wedding bells award? - Jared Rivers

Jared Rivers has got love sickness and unfortunately it is terminal. All I can say is get it done Jared, enough of your hair-brained schemes! Rohan Bail is fast catching up, in a Steven Bradbury-type race and could come from nowhere, if Jared, Nathan Jones and Mark Jamar wimp out.|

What is he wearing award? - Jack Fitzpatrick

I want to put it on record that I am definitely no fashionista. In saying that though, Jack Fitzpatrick’s fashion sense is out of control. Sunglasses are a must when looking in his direction as his shirts are normally brighter then the sun. Maybe Brent Moloney could give him some tips? Umm, actually maybe not!

Are you awake award? - Michael Newton and yours truly

Team photo day is always dangerous, especially for people such as myself who struggle to take good pictures. I either look like I’m on some sort of sedative or just fully asleep. Fortunately, Michael Newton looked just as bad this year, so I wasn’t alone. Thanks again to the media department for choosing the final product! Whatever I’ve been punished for, I hope that’s the last of it.

Mr Media Award - Nathan Jones

Jonesy is the AFL’s very own Mark Zuckerberg. If there is a type of social media Nathan is not involved in, then it’s not invented yet. From having his own website to Twitter and Facebook, it’s hard to keep up with it all. I’ve had a CD player installed in my car because I can’t turn the radio on anymore without hearing Nathan’s voice.

There were plenty more awards I could’ve handed out, but I’ll save them for another time.

In all seriousness though pre-season has come and gone now, and we can’t wait for this Sunday against the Swans at the ‘G.

Hope to see you all there!